This is not a post about my birth story - you don't want to hear that, and I don't want to tell it - BUT...
Remember those oxygen bars like 10 years ago? Oh, um, yeah, it was 14 (the one time I saw one at a techno bar in Tampa). Wow, times goes fast. I thought they were weird.
During Felix's birth, halfway through the EXCRUCIATING pushing stage, right after the EXCRUCIATING transitional contractions phase, the nurse placed an oxygen mask on my sweaty, bloated, tense, pain-riddled face, and it was blissful. It didn't take the pain away (the narcotics post-birth helped with that), but it brought me back . It saved me.*
Lately, I have noticed myself holding my breath all the time. At night, I lay in bed trying to do breathing exercises and failing miserably. I feel like there's no room inside this body. My muscles never relax. This is strange for me. I don't like it. I know it's partly the physical demands of life with a newborn, but I think it's partly anxiety, too, though I'm not even sure what I'm anxious about anymore. Nothing? Everything? It's just my normal or my abnormal or whatever.
How do we fix this? Practice, I guess. Maybe some aromatherapy, a massage, some acupuncture (ahem, Kevyn), but a return to routine yoga and meditation won't hurt. Felix will be 6 months in 2 1/2 weeks. It's time to nurture Lesley.
That's where O comes in. Better start there. Suck that O like an addict. It makes our bodies function, after all. Plus, I wouldn't mind a natural high.
* Note: I'm not downplaying the beauty of childbirth, in whatever form it comes in (nonmedicated, medicated, cesarean, etc.), and I feel pretty awesome, because I effing survived it. Niko's birth was easier, though not pain free. This time, I resisted as long as possible, but I was forced to take Pitocin. It made everything, as I mentioned earlier, EXCRUCIATING. The medical community needs to solve this problem. There must be a better option. I wasn't willing to take elective painkillers, and so I suffered. Tremendously. I don't regret it, but I think I've earned the right to mention how EXCRUCIATING it was in ALL CAPS at least four times now and off an on until it becomes a much blurrier memory.